Father's Day
I don't know if I should post this stuff here, coz its quite personal, but I cannot post this in my own blog, coz some unwanted guest might see this.
Ahh, so, might as well as write it here, should anyone think this is crap or something useless, delete it then, but I hope this will make you apprecaite your father more.
Last Sunday, Father's Day. I'm sure most people know what has happened to my family, for those who know not, short story is: my father left me and my mum 10 years ago for another woman, nuff' said.
He left us, when I was 8, my mum was heartbroken(later found out that she had even considered suiciding with me). At that period of my life, I was sad, a young boy's heart crushed to pieces. I cried, mum cried, life was sorrowful, but we slowly picked up life until I was 12, that was when I entered the period of Hatred.
By then, I had changed my thoughts from wishing he would come back to wishing he had DIED. I imagined reading the news and seeing his name printed on the front page. KILLED, MURDERED, FREAK ACCIDENT, any death that is violent would be imprinted on my father. Ironically, I wanted to murder my father, and that will be one hell of a sin, to be damned to Avici(18th level of Hell in Buddhist).
So he left, and I never saw him until this year. During the yuan you hui, I received a sponsor of bottled water from an unknown agent. So, when I went to take the cartons of water with some friends from 6S1, who was the agent? You guessed it, it was the man I wanted to KILL all these years, my father.
I took the stock without glancing at him, but later on Yen Siang commented on how much did I resemble that man, and I knew I couldn't deny to them that he was indeed my father. He wanted to be a part of my life again, to come back into my life once more, and I wasn't about to accept him.
For these months I often wondered how could a person be so irresponsible, to start a family then destroy it single-handedly. I couldn't say anything to him everytime he called, and mum would scream at him, and after that I will scream at both of them, family life was hell compared to school. Sometimes hearing you guys talk about your father coming to pick you up or whatever will you all do with your fathers make me jealous, and there were many times that I would go home and play DotA alone nonstop just to clear my mind.
Then, that day, at Mutiara, I saw a little kid pleading his father to eat at Pizza's Hut. His father lovingly cradled him, and later receded to his pleas and took him in. This made my jealousy burn within, I never tasted a father's love before, and since I came to Chong Hwa many people gave me the bloody look:"Look at that guy, his father was a useless man, and so is he a useless person, too" . All these years I had to depend on my mum alone, and I had to take the bus home whereas other people could have their fathers pick them up after school.
I was angry, I hated him, and I vowed never to be like him.
Yet, as I tried to work myself into a rage, I suddenly saw the light. He didn't have to be a responsible person, he didnt have to wait for me everyday after school, he didnt have to buy anything for me, he didnt have to tend to all my needs, he gave me one thing that other fathers could never have given, he gave me INDEPENDENCE, and most of all,
He was my father, he didnt have to do anything for me.
Having known that instantly, I looked at my handphone, and dialed his number. I suddenly felt that we have a lot to catch up on, before it was too late.
So my friends, appreciate your fathers, please don't complain about them being too strict or demanding. I never had the chance for those.
Amen.
Ardelus Nightmare-Bearer
Ahh, so, might as well as write it here, should anyone think this is crap or something useless, delete it then, but I hope this will make you apprecaite your father more.
Last Sunday, Father's Day. I'm sure most people know what has happened to my family, for those who know not, short story is: my father left me and my mum 10 years ago for another woman, nuff' said.
He left us, when I was 8, my mum was heartbroken(later found out that she had even considered suiciding with me). At that period of my life, I was sad, a young boy's heart crushed to pieces. I cried, mum cried, life was sorrowful, but we slowly picked up life until I was 12, that was when I entered the period of Hatred.
By then, I had changed my thoughts from wishing he would come back to wishing he had DIED. I imagined reading the news and seeing his name printed on the front page. KILLED, MURDERED, FREAK ACCIDENT, any death that is violent would be imprinted on my father. Ironically, I wanted to murder my father, and that will be one hell of a sin, to be damned to Avici(18th level of Hell in Buddhist).
So he left, and I never saw him until this year. During the yuan you hui, I received a sponsor of bottled water from an unknown agent. So, when I went to take the cartons of water with some friends from 6S1, who was the agent? You guessed it, it was the man I wanted to KILL all these years, my father.
I took the stock without glancing at him, but later on Yen Siang commented on how much did I resemble that man, and I knew I couldn't deny to them that he was indeed my father. He wanted to be a part of my life again, to come back into my life once more, and I wasn't about to accept him.
For these months I often wondered how could a person be so irresponsible, to start a family then destroy it single-handedly. I couldn't say anything to him everytime he called, and mum would scream at him, and after that I will scream at both of them, family life was hell compared to school. Sometimes hearing you guys talk about your father coming to pick you up or whatever will you all do with your fathers make me jealous, and there were many times that I would go home and play DotA alone nonstop just to clear my mind.
Then, that day, at Mutiara, I saw a little kid pleading his father to eat at Pizza's Hut. His father lovingly cradled him, and later receded to his pleas and took him in. This made my jealousy burn within, I never tasted a father's love before, and since I came to Chong Hwa many people gave me the bloody look:"Look at that guy, his father was a useless man, and so is he a useless person, too" . All these years I had to depend on my mum alone, and I had to take the bus home whereas other people could have their fathers pick them up after school.
I was angry, I hated him, and I vowed never to be like him.
Yet, as I tried to work myself into a rage, I suddenly saw the light. He didn't have to be a responsible person, he didnt have to wait for me everyday after school, he didnt have to buy anything for me, he didnt have to tend to all my needs, he gave me one thing that other fathers could never have given, he gave me INDEPENDENCE, and most of all,
He was my father, he didnt have to do anything for me.
Having known that instantly, I looked at my handphone, and dialed his number. I suddenly felt that we have a lot to catch up on, before it was too late.
So my friends, appreciate your fathers, please don't complain about them being too strict or demanding. I never had the chance for those.
Amen.
Ardelus Nightmare-Bearer
posted by Reminisce 1S4005S1 at 12:10 am
6 comments
